he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
