She's the barista slut.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
