member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
