maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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