I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
