They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize