i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
