he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
