I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
