sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
