Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
These tits shall not be calmed
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
