When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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