No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
