I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Randomize
