you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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