That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
