Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
