Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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