so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
