dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
