dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
This house was built for laser tag.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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