I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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