Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
