Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
