plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
