I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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