About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
