sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
