All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
