just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
