He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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