I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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