Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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