im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
