If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We left the knife in your bed.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
