Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize