Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
