Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
