The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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