3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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