guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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