what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
