i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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