well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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