The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
