D3 body, D1 cock
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
