We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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