I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
