is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
