girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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