oh fat girl friday strikes again...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
