Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
