thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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