All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
