i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
