The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
