Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
worst night to have a conscience
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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