He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize