Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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