I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
