How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
