I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize