is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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